Trial and Error

For me, life after divorce is very much trial and error. There really almost isn't any other way it could be. Because I married Brad so young all of my adult dreams, goals, and ambitions were OUR goals, dreams, and ambitions. I never bothered to create any dreams that didn't include him. (Go ahead and lambaste me all you feminists, but be kind and remember I was young and naive please) When we split, I didn't just lose Brad, but I lost my roadmap of how my life was supposed to unfold, pretty much dumping me in the this alternate Bermuda triangle world that I was completely inept at navigating. As time went on, I learned through trial and error what things worked for just me - not me as half of StephanieAndBrad - but me only. For the first time in pretty much forever, I had to think somewhat selfishly and figure out what worked for me in decisions big and small. Along the way were some pretty funny errors.

Letting my gas tank get perilously low while just expecting some miraculous husband stunt double to come running and fill it - Error.

Continuing to run my checking account like my ex was still paying my bills and the rest was just 'spending money' - Error.

Thinking I am super cool because I can eat dinner at ten o'clock at night if I want now - and then getting sick at two in the morning because I am too old for pretending that I still have the iron stomach of a twenty year old - Error.

Believing that my grass will just stop growing once it gets to a certain height and then stay that way until winter so I don't need to mow it anymore - Error.

Really believing that single men are interested in a tour of my house because they want to see what I've done with the place - Error.

Thinking that once we were split, all the drama with Brad was at least finally over - Error.

Using the strategy of staying in my house all day as a way to make a day never happen - Error.

Throwing out all my dishes in favor of paper plates because it would make life easier and less stressful - Error.

Trusting my feelings and thoughts to people that I only saw when I was drinking or dancing - Error.

Saying exactly what I thought, exactly when I thought it, to any random stranger to emphasize how much better stark honesty is - Error.

Continuing to try new things, forgiving myself for my (many) mistakes, laughing at life and those many mistakes, and believing that life truly unfolds that way that it is meant to be.....I'll get back to you...