The Loss of the Secret Keeper

So last night I had a big secret. A secret of monumental proportions. A secret that was threatening to explode my brain if I didn't talk to someone as soon as I could get my hands on my cell phone. As soon as I left where I was (which I'm not telling because it's a secret of course) I immediately grabbed my phone to call.......no one.

Being married automatically gives you a person to tell everything to. (I completely just ended that sentence with a preposition, but I have always hated that rule anyway and couldn't come up with a better way to finish it quickly - so deal.) No exceptions. When they say "for better or for worse" that also means "and with all my good gossip and juicy scandals". It is unwritten, understood marriage law. Everyone who has been in a serious relationship knows exactly what I mean here. Brad and I had zero secrets (other than the whole affair of course, small peanuts really) and our end of day recap before bed regularly consisted of swapping stories about people that we heard throughout the day. On a small tangent.....you would think that because I am the woman that I would be the big instigator of this tradition - you would be wrong. Brad gossiped like a little, old, blue-haired lady at the hairdressers. Anyway, anything that was told to either of us was fair game to the other one - without exception. We may not have admitted that to every friend or acquaintance, but that is how it was. And it wasn't just a random habit between Brad and I - my following relationship with notorious John Black had the same deal. We were a team - and as a team we had an obligation to share information. Because I was with Brad for eight years and then on and off with John Black for three more years - this is really the first year I haven't had an official secret keeper.

The hard part about having a secret keeper when single is that secret keepers really can't be just good friends. Especially good married or dating friends. And here's why: They are already some one's secret keeper! They already have allegiance to someone other than you. They are bound to share all good gossip and juicy scandal with that person. (see above) Therefore YOUR secret is now shared material. There is no way around it - that is the code. I can call up one of my sisters or friends and share my dirt BUT they are completely going to turn around and share my dirt with their husband or boyfriend. Which is how it should be, but it makes it hard for a single girl to find a good secret keeper. In the past I have used Brad as a temporary secret keeper, but not only is that probably not very healthy but he is also on my shit list this week - so no big secret for him. I do confess to venting to John Black this morning a bit, but he does have a girlfriend so I can only carry that so far before I feel like I am stepping on toes. So the search is on for a new secret keeper, preferably one with great shoulders. I am thinking of holding auditions.....