The Annulment: Do I or Don't I?

That is the question. For today anyway.

Here's the scoop. This blog will be equal parts funny and contemplative. This blog will not be factual or referenced or anything other than my feelings and opinions on the annulment process and my place in it. No hate mail from anyone because I question Church policies, including my mother. Especially my mother. (Mom, that includes guilt emails as well just in case you are wondering. My mother wields guilt like Thomas Jefferson flourished a quill. Love you Mom!) I have many different thoughts on whether or not I should go forward with the annulment process, so buckle up and get ready.

First, an amusing side story. (You know you love my tangents!) Brad has always opposed us getting an annulment. He just doesn't like the idea of us saying that our marriage wasn't valid. Which I find half sweet, because he doesn't want to pretend it didn't happen - and half hypocritical, because if he wanted it to be so valid and real then maybe he should have thought of that earlier and matched his actions to that sentiment. Back to today. I text messaged Brad to ask if he still would try and thwart my attempt to get an annulment because I have plans to meet with my priest and I just wanted to know where Brad stood, so that I knew the whole picture going into this meeting. In what is a very typical response, I don't get an answer, just a bunch of questions and sass. And he calls me Jen. Now, I knew that eventually he'd find his way here to my all knowing and all telling blog - and I'm ok with that. (Hi Brad! :) ) I am not embellishing anything or telling any lies - I am just telling my side of the story, and he is welcome to read if he likes. Here is what I found funny...he called me Jen to be snide and mean spirited...but I think it's great! Thanks for the compliment! Jen is gorgeous, healthy, sexy, and frankly...awesome! In fact, I think she is way more amazing post-Brad! So Brad dear, feel free to call me Jen whenever you like.

Ok, slightly off track....anyway the end result of my mini-text-a-thon with Brad is that he tries to tell me that if he agrees to not oppose the annulment, we're even. Even?? Really?? And yes, he is serious. He really thinks that by not fighting me on this, that makes up for everything that has happened. Now, I am not going to tell you all of those things that have happened because this blog is not about making Brad look evil. I am just going to tell you that in my book an affair that pretty much tornadoed my life does not equate with not fighting me on being able to remarry in church some day. End result? I tell him to do what he wants and I continue on my evening of endless errand running. You really don't need a partner's cooperation get an annulment, but it might the process a little harder. But hey, I always do things the hard way anyway, right? Gotta keep with a theme....

So there is the amusing portion - now on to the tougher stuff. Here are my reasons FOR getting an annulment:

1. I truly believe that I deserve one. I honestly did everything I could think of to try and make my marriage work. In the end, you need two people trying, and nothing that I could have done was going to change the end result. I should get points for effort though.

2. In an ideal world, the owner of a pair of fantastic shoulders that I meet is going to be Catholic. He may very well want to be married in the Church and I want that to be an option for him.

3. It is important to my parents - which means it will ease their minds and pave the way for my future hunky shoulders husband. Less conflict is always good.

BUT....here are my reasons AGAINST the annulment:

1. It is a very intrusive process. I need to give complete strangers all the inner workings of my failed marriage and our childhoods. This includes details and my feelings about everything, including our sex life. This makes me uncomfortable, to say the least.

2. I do not want to dig back into all the heartbreak of the past. We have been split for over five years, and it took me a long time to deal with all of it. I truly don't want to have to experience and examine all of those emotions over again when I feel like I have finally really made my peace with it all.

3. I don't necessarily agree with the entire idea of annulments. At least not the process the way it is. I have two points on this and then I'll subside. First, the Catholic Church let me get married purely on the basis of a baptismal certificate and a one day Engaged Encounter seminar. That is all I had to do and I was ready for marriage in the eyes of the Church. But to UNmarry I have to basically expose my soul to perfect strangers and await their judgement. It seems to me that this is a little bit unbalanced. My second issue with this is that my relationship with God is highly personal. He knows better than anyone the ways that I tried to twist myself to make my marriage work - and I don't believe that He needs an annulment paper from the tribunal to see what is in my heart. This whole process just feels judgemental to me - which should be the antithesis of Christian living. This is really a sticky issue for me, because I don't want to go through this whole process for the sake of other people's thoughts and beliefs. I need to see how this is going to continue to move me forward, and right now all I see is how it is going to take me back.

So I'm going to tackle it like I tackle everything in life - find more information. Whenever I start any new project, hobby, and travel plan - I research. I know, I am such a nerd. But a book in my hand and facts in my head make me breathe easy. So that is my plan forward....research, research, research....and hopefully find a way forward.