Is Dating Dead?

So this past Monday ABC aired a tv show called 'Conveyor Belt of Love'. I didn't actually watch it that night because I was shunning tv in favor of curling up on the couch with a good book. But I was told by several people that it was amusing in an OMG kind of way....so I looked it up online yesterday. The premise of the show is that a handful of girls get to sit on stools as a conveyor belt rotates men around every 60 seconds. The girls get to pick the one they want and then they go out on dates. My life was not enriched by this show, but I was mildly amused for the forty or so minutes it was on my screen.

Here is why it made my blog: One of the girls was explaining her criteria for a man in her little opening monologue and she wanted a man who understood what a date was, an actual planned out date with an activity and a definite start time. And I found myself nodding along as she talked about these men in vicinity of the 30 year mark that had no concept of dinner and a movie, or even the meaning of the term 'planning'. (Quick disclaimer before I get yelled at: If you are a 30-ish year old man that calls women up to ask them out (texting does not count)for a specific time and a specific activity and does not expect that date to automatically end in bed just because you paid for dessert....then you are exempt from this blog.) She was so frustrated by men that seemed to think that 'hooking up' and 'dating' were one and the same. I completely empathize with her. Here are the common ways that I get asked out.

1. This first one is a three step process. Step One. "let's meet up for a drink" Step Two. "of course you can have another, why not? You are a big girl, let me get it for you" Step Three. "let's go back to my place and watch a movie". I will admit to falling for this once...and getting labeled a tease for really wanting to watch a movie. Needless to say I haven't gone out with him again. Say what you mean boys. And trying to get a girl drunk enough to not think straight doesn't make you a player - it makes you a sleaze.

2. Via myspace/facebook/yahoo IM...."OMG u r soooo hottt...I was just looking for a friend of mine(uh huh) and saw ur profile. I am sure u have a bf but if u dont my # is xxx-xxxx. call me and i will show you a good time." Seriously. Here is what you were really doing - searching for single girls in your zip code in your age range, and then sending them all that same message and assuming we will all believe it and be flattered. Not true. Especially when it is in text language and you add multiple t's in 'hot' like you are promoting porn.

3. Through a friend of a friend...."my boyfriend's friend's brother likes you so we should all go out together in a big group and hang out" Really? Does this remind anyone else of mall rat teenagers? Isn't that how you learn to date when you are like fifteen? I might admit to being flattered by the attention BUT I am not going to take you seriously if you can't even pick up the phone and call me on your own.

4. Drunken attempts in a bar at the end of the night. Enough said.

Too many men say that they don't understand women. We are not that difficult guys. Really. Someone sent me an online forward that said, "Woman are NOT complicated. Just tell us we are beautiful and give us chocolate." That made me laugh, and while true, I think the answer is even easier. Make the effort. That's all. And it applies to everything to do with dating. I am impressed and appreciative if I can tell that a guy is making an effort. Whether it is planning a date, paying a compliment that is personal and not just a go-to line, actually listening to the answers we give to your questions....women can tell if you are genuinely putting forth the effort because you are specifically interested in us - or if you are just going through the motions and if it works out, then great...if not, oh well. Whether it is a first date or a fifth date, I want to know that you are there because you really wanted to be there, with me...not that you had a Thursday night free and I was the girl that was available. Of course this is only my opinion, and while I think that most girls will agree, I am sure that there are women out there that like the game and the chase day in and day out - I am just saying that I am not one of them.

At the end of the day, I have an old fashioned soul. I like the different roles of men and women - I don't agree with the theory of thought that says men and women should be the same and that I should do anything a man can do. I don't want to do anything a man can do. I love dating a man that understands this and that makes me feel female. This does not mean I need a man to pay for everything or treat me like I am incapable of making a decision about my own dinner. It just means that I appreciate the differences and enjoy things like having the door held for me. It doesn't offend me in the least. Thus why I am impressed by a man that takes the time to set up an actual night out. I like the anticipation of a good date. I like holding hands in a dark movie theater. I like good night kisses on the porch. I think that when you forgo all the steps like these that you lose the romance of an early relationship. I don't want to look back on how I met the love of my life and remember that we met at a dive bar while he was drunkenly celebrating his buddy's birthday and that his friend bet him he couldn't get me to second base before the night was over. I want more.