Theory of an Ex

Despite all the bad history between myself and Brad, I will always care about him. Same goes for John Black. I may not always be in contact or lunch buddies or bowling friends with them.....but part of me is always going to want good things to happen to them. Eventually. I would be lying if I said that I hope Brad doesn't first get slightly miserable, realize that I was right about everything in his life after all, and humbly apologize with just a little sheen of moisture in his eyes. Ahhhh....sweet vindication.....

To me, it seems more abnormal to hate an ex than to care about them. After all, this is a person that you were once in love with - you had to have seen something good in them at one point, right? And as much as we would maybe sometimes like it to be true just to feel better - all the good parts about our ex's don't just vanish because we aren't with them anymore. (I mean, of course, the best part does vanish - me - but there are still other good parts left) In my case, Brad and John Black were both people that I wanted to raise kids with, people I let into my life completely, people that I let see me in sweatpants with frizzy, just-washed hair....I don't feel that way about just anyone. If I once thought they had so many good parts that I would let them in like that, then how can I sit back now and say what an awful person they are and how I wish evil thoughts on them? I can't. I know that I poke at Brad quite a bit because he really has changed so much, but I am sure that underneath all that new, crappy attitude he is sporting...those good qualities are still there - and hopefully, for his sake, one day resurface.

This view has caused some friction in my life at points. Being friends with an ex can be uncomfortable at many points and straight up frustrating at others. It is strange to see them in other relationships at first and it just takes time to draw the new lines of what your friendship is going to be. It is a much more difficult process than normal friendship for a while, until you get to that place where you do see them as strictly a great friend. But it is so cool to end up with a friend that knows you that well - and it is nice to be able to look back on the past and fondly remember the good things because you have dealt with all the crap. John Black and I are still friends. Not hang-out-and-grab-dinner friends, but catch-up-on-life-every-so-often friends. And that is plenty for us. I know that if I ever needed him he would be right there for me - and I would do the same for him. Brad and I are friends from time to time, but we have discovered that the lines of our new friendship work best when we don't really talk. However, I also know that he would always be there for me if I really needed him. Neither one of them is someone that is going to be consistently in my life, but I find it impossible to hold on to angry, bitter feelings. Not only impossible, but unproductive. The only person I hurt with that kind of attitude is myself anyway if I let it fester. For me, clearing the air and getting some space from both of them helped me to see objectively. And now I truly do wish them both every shot at happiness that they can find in the future. I am sure that somewhere out there is the perfect woman for them. I am equally as sure that woman is not me.