For Julia

I have a friend that is a few years younger than me that has followed a similar path to the one I've been traveling for a while. She had a serious relationship in high school and through college when everyone else was partying and being crazy. When that ended she started dating and all that goes with it - as a newbie. She is now been doing that for a bit and starting to feel like there is no end in sight. I can completely relate and wish that I could offer her more concrete advice than 'it will happen when the time is right'....but I can't. Everyone's time table is different and I am not going to pretend to be all-knowing. (About this anyway)

What I can offer is all the great things about being single in your later twenties. Even though it wasn't a cake walk, there were things that I loved about being single for a few years, things that I am sure will be hard to let go of as I enter into a new relationship. For me, it was the period in my life where I felt like I had the most freedom to try new things, express myself, (anyone else singing Madonna here?) and focus on just being the best 'me' that I could. So without further ado.....

Great Things About Being Single After 25

1. Time. You have so much more time to do the things that you want when you exit a relationship. You have even more time if you don't think about men AT ALL for a while. I gave up men for Lent last year (true story) and it was a great experience. I gave up flirting, dating, kissing, chatting online....all of it. If you weren't overflowing with estrogen then I avoided you for forty days. All of a sudden all that time you were spending talking to your significant other/man of interest, doing things he liked to do, running his errands, meeting up with his friends and family....all that time is now yours to do anything you want with! Even if whatever you want is simply to veg out on the couch in your pjs and watch Friends reruns all day without anyone giving you a guilt trip.

2. You get to make decisions without consulting anyone. This was a ton of fun - actually my Busia gave me the best advice about what to do when I became single. She told me to take advantage of being able to be independent and to travel like crazy. I didn't go crazy, but I did travel TONS more than before I was single. I went on two cruises and saw the Caribbean, Mexico, and Honduras. I conquered my fear of heights and went parasailing in Grand Cayman and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I went to Denver, to DC, to Nashville, to Aspen...I spent more summer days than I can count in my bathing suit and a pair of shorts with a cooler and some sunscreen and no destination, just daytripping to whatever beach my Jeep ended up at....all with no one to answer to. I am unbelievably glad that I got to do all of these things. Busia - you were so right.

3. You (most likely) have more resources now than when you were younger to play around with. You don't have to enjoy yourself like a college kid following cheap draft night from bar to bar or living off the dollar menu at drive thrus. You can indulge yourself and have new experiences. If I were in a relationship and building a future with someone I would not have had half the spa days or wine trips or vacations. I didn't have to share my financial resources with anyone and there was no one to object if I went shopping on impulse or spent $40 on a bottle of wine.

4. You get the house (and more importantly, the bed) to yourself. Now, at first I didn't appreciate how fantastic this would be. At first, it just made me feel more alone. But as time goes on, it is amazing to leave the house and then come back later and find it in exactly the same condition as you left, to leave a yummy snack in the fridge and know it is still waiting there for you when you come home. It is awesome to be able to indulge my strange obsession with rearranging the furniture whenever I want without having to (pretend to) listen to someone else's opinion. It is fun to take a day off, lock the doors, close the curtains, and live all day in my ugly, comfy, ancient pajamas while eating all my meals out of an ice cream carton and shunning the shower. And now that I have had the pleasure of stretching out on my queen size mattress all by myself, I don't know how I am going to go back to sharing. (Ask Chet, he is less than fond of this habit.)

5. You get to focus on yourself. Don't underestimate this one, it was highly instrumental for me to get to the point where I am now. Not to sound like I am a saint here - but I am, by nature, a giver. If it is in my power to give you something that you need, I will. And for the people that are very close to me, such as a boyfriend or husband, that meant that if I had a choice to do something to benefit myself or them - I routinely chose them. On a regular basis I chose to not put myself first. Now, I am not whining about this or regretting the choices that I made. I am the person that I am, and I can live with all that. But once I was on my own, I didn't have to make choices like that anymore. The majority of my choices became all about my best interest. I began to take care of myself in a way that I never had....I got healthier, I kicked bad habits, I worked with causes and projects that were dear to my heart, I followed my gut and traded in a career path that has made me so much happier. I got to know myself and believe in myself in a way that has made me a better person. Like the Mastercard commercials.....priceless.

So Julia, while I know that this does not make you feel better about being single at this point in your life while the rest of the world seems to be pairing up and procreating.....you have an opportunity to have experiences that maybe would have been closed to you if you weren't single now. Instead of dwelling on all the things you are missing because you are on your own, look at all the amazing things you can do and fill this time with 'you' stuff. Enjoy yourself, pamper yourself, treat yourself like a princess or a diva or whatever makes you happiest. And if you are looking for a travel friend for some time this summer...I am sure Chet will be happy to share me for a girl trip or two! :)