Trailblazing....

As the first divorced person in my circle of people, I had to learn all my divorce lessons the hard way. (Which is usually how I learn my lessons anyway - ask my parents) I now consider myself an expert - especially since I have been mired in this experience for five years - so here is the Top Ten list of things I wish someone had told me.

10. You have to empty the lint trap in the dryer - even if it was your husband's job before - or you will likely set your house on fire. Or at a minimum, your dryer will stop drying and start smoking. Also, there is a drip pan under your refridgerator, a water shut off valve in your basement, and a filter in your furnace. Good to know.

9. You don't need 99% of the things that were stored in your garage. Keep the lawn mower, a rake, a shovel, a hammer, and a few screwdrivers and give the rest away. If you can't get the job done with those things, then it's not worth bothering with - all that other junk is just stuff men collect to fill their garages and make themselves feel like Men.

8. Don't stalk your ex. All you do is learn stuff that you don't want to know and that isn't helpful. Also, you waste a bunch of time that you could be using for other important things, like shredding the clothes he left in the closet.

7. Even though it has wheels, the trash can does not propel itself to the curb on trash day. Sadly.

6. Karma will come back around. Repeat that as often as needed until you feel better. Or until your cheating ex gets cheated on by the woman he was cheating with. That will be a great moment for you. I promise.

5. It is incredibly satisfying to throw everything in your house that belongs to your ex out the window onto the ground. Include all his clothes, childhood memories, collectibles, electronics, and anything else that you won't use. To kick the pleasure up a notch, turn the hose on and water it all down. Now, I know you are thinking that only crazy people do this and surely you will regret it one day. Take my word on it - you won't. In fact, five years down the road it will still make you chuckle out loud.

4. One day you feel empowered. The next day you will feel like a failure. The next day you will feel like superwoman. The next day you will feel beaten down. The next day you will feel hopeful. The following day you will lock yourself in the house like a hermit and eat Cocoa Puffs all day. All of these are acceptable. Prepare to feel like a manic depressive for a little while. Hang on and enjoy the ride.

3. Do not, under any circumstance, watch romantic comedies. They unravel all your progress, make your brain turn to mush, and cause you to make many errors in judgement. They also give you many mistaken expectations about the dating world that you are about to enter - but that is a story for a whole other blog.

2. Do not expect to come out of this unscathed. To say that I have regrets from this time period in my life is like saying that there is sand in the Sahara. BUT....forgive yourself, accept that everyone handles problems differently, and keep on truckin'. The people that care about you will understand.

1. Lean on your people. It will keep you from crossing over to the dark side....well, most of the time. Or at least it will give you a friend for company as you play there. ( thanks Emily) Also, in my situation, it meant that I didn't have to cook for a long time. (thanks Mom)