My (possible) Flaw

If I have a flaw, and I'm not saying that I do but it is within the realm of possibility, it is that I am too naive. And by naive, I don't mean that I am oblivious of the fact that evil exists and that people do bad things. I mean that I simply think that it is all happening with people that don't enter my life. Because of course, all the people in my life are evil-free.

Because I persist with this Pollyanna belief, I frequently give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes even when they haven't earned it. Actually many times when they haven't earned it. I try very hard to not be judgemental and to remember that people have all kinds of experiences that I am not privy to, so maybe there is a good reason that they are doing something asinine and I just don't know. I used to drive Brad crazy when he would be in the middle of some road rage fit and I would wonder out loud if maybe that driver that just cut us off was really speeding to make it to the hospital to say goodbye to her dying grandmother. Or that it was an expectant dad late to meet his pregnant wife after her water broke. Or something equally out there and unlikely, but possible. It never calmed him down, but I like to think I made my point. (As I write this he is probably driving around somewhere screaming obscenities at little old lady drivers for being in the fast lane - but like I said, I am Pollyanna so let me believe my daydream)

I know that this doesn't at first sound like a huge flaw. And it really isn't a flaw that hurts anyone else in any way. It actually is usually pretty helpful to others. It is actually helpful specifically to the owner of a dark blue Vibe that cut me off last Wednesday (you know who you are....Euclid...Fisher...sparkling bright red Jeep? Ring any bells?) It is also typically beneficial to people that mess with me because I am quick to forgive and don't hold grudges. And then I let the same people mess with me in the same way and then - again - forgive and forget. Can you see how this may not be beneficial for me? Flaw.

But here is the thing. I secretly ( or not so secretly, since I am blogging it all away) love this about myself. I know that it gets me into trouble from time to time. I know that it makes me trust the wrong people and have faith in things that maybe most people would not. I know it is the reason it took me five years to get over this failed marriage and that it may have cost me a great relationship. I am aware that some people think it is naive, and silly, and even stupid. Just because I have this perspective doesn't mean that I am unaware of the flip side of the coin or oblivious to the fact that some people will take advantage. They do. And I know when then do, for the most part. But I can't bring myself to be any other way. At the end of the day, I only have to live with the decisions that I make. The way I look at it I have two choices - I could wallow in the negative and cynical all day, every day and maybe avoid getting hurt...OR... I could dwell in the positive and happy all day, every day and maybe get hurt. I choose option two.